What is obsessive behavior in relationships with men costing me?

So, prediction of my dream came true. The prediction was: ''Your direction (love affair) will be influenced by unconscious childhood trauma, influencing negatively.'' On Thursday morning I woke up all sweaty and had to check the meaning of my dream. This doesn't happen very often, normally I really can't remember what I was dreaming of. As love affair was mentioned I thought it could be something connected with that. 

A day later we had a massive clash with a guy I'd just started to get to know this month. We've talked about our goals and what we both want from life and other meaningful stuff. He would sometimes tease and provoke me a bit, which gave me even more motivation to be clear on things I was describing to him. I felt very vital and productive since our exchange was on. And after two weeks, he would provoke me just a little bit over the top and I exploded: ''If I say to a guy ''I want you'', it means I want you in my life. Not only physically, I see myself with you: living together, travelling together, visiting our parents, having a baby... ''I want you'' are not just flirty words for me. It is REAL. Do you get me you ... '' and I used an insulting word I am really sorry for and I really don't mean he is that. ''And since you are not available it just upsets me.''

Now I only met this guy once. All other exchange was on emails. Yet, my feelings for him were already so intense, like we could speak about living together and having a baby. I became obsessed with him, waking up at 4.30am, checking my email if there is anything new and that would continue throughout the day. 

Before it would be amusing to me, gosh, I am really crazy. My first book describes my heavy infatuation and obsessive behavior and I would be laughing, this woman in the book you know, she is really a bit off. But now I finally see what this is costing me. This sweet and wise man who inspired me so much and made me feel so energetic is now out of my life and doesn't want to speak to me as - no way he wants to have a baby with me, or anything else I described. And plus I insulted him, which really shouldn't happen. And how many times has that happened to me before? 

Negative influence of the unconscious is I think the obsessive behavior I started to explore. I still don't know exactly why I have this behavior. How did it start ..., it's all unconscious. And maybe all together had to happen so I am even more motivated to clean and heal it all.

And then I will finally be ready to love like a lady. ''Love Like A Lady''    I love this song :-)